Gurudev Pandit Shriram Sharma Acharya’s approach to spirituality was scientific, rationally convincing, and practical. He elucidated that spirituality is a science of holistic wellbeing and virtuous progress. Many people think one has to renounce family-life and all relations for spiritual growth. But this is only an illusory impression. Reality is quite the contrary. In this context, we are presenting the English version of Gurudev’s discourse (originally in Hindi) in a series of articles. As discussed in the first part (published in the previous issue of this magazine), he had lucidly explained the broad meaning and integral role of the family in making us humane in the true sense. In the present part of the discourse, he has reminded us of the importance of family life in the cultivation of the values and traits essential for spiritual development.
Sisters and Brothers,
If you pay little attention, you will find that there is a lot which the family-life naturally teaches you. First of all, it makes you a human being and nurtures the values and dignity of humanity and morality in your feelings, thoughts, and conduct. Family Nurtures Selflessness and Sensitivity
Family-life sustains and flourishes, to a great extent, on the foundation of selflessness and sensitivity and also nurtures and expands these spiritual qualities. By its very definition, a family is a group of people formed by the bonds of unconditional love and care for each other. You naturally love your family; you are sensitive to the feelings of loved ones, you care for their happiness and wellbeing, and they reciprocate the same way. Even if someone does anything wrong, the warm care, guidance, and loving support of others in the family are supposed to make him realize and rectify his mistakes/weaknesses. If not, there will be a disturbance in the soothing ambiance of the family.
Selfishness and insensitivity cannot survive in family-life. For example, when you are in a normal state, will you ever eat something all alone and let your children, spouse, or any other family member stare at you? Will you let them starve, suffer scarcity and infirmity and use all your earnings only for your own comforts? Well, in terms of law and justice, it may not be considered as a crime if you do so; police may not punish or penalize you. But, what about the norms of humanity? Most likely, such actions/ behavior of yours will be scorned off by other people as inhuman; no one aware of your inhuman conduct in the family would really respect you, or, make friendship with you. In terms of spirituality, any human being, who eats alone, who does not share his resources even with the family, is a sinner.
Similar would be the case if you are insensitive to the needs and sufferings of your dependents; or if you exploit the people around you for your selfish purposes. How will you respect a person who does not bother about the medical care of his elderly parents or his sick wife and lets them suffer? How will you regard a father who does not arrange for the marriage of his daughter because, after the demise of his wife, his daughter has been looking after his home? He will certainly be disdained by most people in society; spiritually, he will be considered as cruel and sinful.
A good family man would care and arrange for the wellbeing, education, and overall development of all his family members. He will also do his level best to help the healthy progress of relatives and friends in his contact.
The decorum of Family Shapes Your Character
The dignity of a family rests on the propriety of character and mannerism of its members — especially the elders. The proper conduct of the elders is also essential because children follow them. People with loose character and lust for sensual pleasures cannot maintain it, and thus gradually also destroy the heavenly serenity and happiness of family-ambiance. Do you treat your wife like a prostitute? Do only the beauty of her appearance and the attractive looks of her physical body matter for you? If so, then you seem to have no respect for her and your entire family. In fact, such an attitude shows that you have no respect for women; outside or inside the home, you only see her with lustful eyes. If so, you insult the grace of family institution. Is your home a brothel? Are the women in your family only show-pieces or tools of carnal pleasure of someone or the other? I am sure that you or any sensible person would not be able to tolerate any such consideration of any of your family members or any other relative. Indeed, the family is a symbol of the dignity of civility, gentlemanliness; it is a natural field for cultivation, growth, and harvest of propriety of character. It is an ideal center for practicing self-control and the inculcation of moral values. Whenever and wherever your agile mind is triggered by the passion of instinctive pleasures, you can revert or divert its straying by simply reminding it of your innocent children, your duty-bound affectionate wife, or others whom you sincerely love, respect, or care.
For example, if an erotic impulse erupts in your mind for any woman, you can instantly control it by remembering some touchy experience of your sister or mother. Before gulping a sip of alcohol, smoking, or drinking coco-cola (or any such drink or fast-food that gives instant excitation or taste, or that boosts weakness of your greedy tongue), you should think of your children’s health, or fulfilling the necessities of their adequate nourishment. Just try it, it will work. You only have to practice it with patience.
If you care for them, if you love your family, if you have even little respect or gratefulness for the support and affection showered by your family, by any of your family member, relative or friend, then the thought/memory of any of them itself will instantly inspire and positively divert your mind/ mood. Family-bonds, family-values, do have the power to overcome your negativities, blemishes, and infirmities, and also to help positive grooming of your character.
Learn to bear the Responsibilities before Marriage
On many occasions, I have told people that before getting married, they should think twice about the familial and social responsibilities associated with marriage. Please note, married life is not like the fun and frolic of the wedding ceremony. Married life brings with it the enormous responsibilities of living together, mutual-understanding, sharing and caring, mutual-respect and collective endeavors of the development of the life-partner along with self-development. Husband and wife also have duties toward each other’s families and amicable relationship between the latter. Moreover, married couples also have some social responsibilities. Socially aware, responsible, and progressives families collectively contribute to building a healthy social ambiance and progressive society.
The responsibilities of married couples expand manifold with the expansion of their families. They should be very careful in this respect and plan to have children after farsighted preparation. Before the birth of a child, the would-be parents should make sure that they would be able to raise him/her adequately. Nursing an infant is like a full-time job that requires your adequate attention, affection, and patience. The duties toward the child change in nature, but continuously grow with his/her growth. You should not only have resources but should also have the capabilities to nurture good qualities, provide good education and opportunities and support for his/her development.
The unaware, insensible fellows, who regard married life as a license for unchecked sex would end up spoiling their own health and that of the spouse. They need to be reminded that it’s not a wedding of some beasts. That way, animals mate and reproduce only as per Nature’s signals in specific seasons. People who marry for carnal pleasure are worse than the beasts. Those who do not care for self-discipline and family-planning destroy the peace, progress, and joy of everyone in the family by producing a crowd of offspring and spend the rest of their lives in repenting or cursing their fate. In want of proper upbringing, their children often adopt wrong paths and become problematic for society as well
I often advise young couples that they need not necessarily have their own children. If they have the inner urge for selfless service, husband and wife together can join shoulders and devote their joint endeavors for social welfare. But this may not be possible for everyone. In general, people wish to have a child. In today’s circumstances, when the world is already facing the risk of population-explosion, the crises of energy and other resources, and exceptional competitions on all fronts of progress, the young married couples should be extra cautious. In my view, only one child should be sufficient. In any case, no responsible parents should have more than two children, irrespective of the gender of the children.
In our (Indian) society, many people have the blind faith that it’s only when a son ignites the funeral pyre that the soul of the father/mother would rest in a heavenly abode. Most people also have the mindless notion that it’s only through a son that the dynasty or family name would survive. Because of this notion, they continue to ‘produce’ children till they get one or two boys at least. They don’t bother to think about how they would raise so many children? And, what great contributions their son(s) would make if they are not even given adequate education, and not provided any guidance/training to realize and groom their talents or augment their potentials?
I want to ask such people — who continued the name and fame of Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru’s family? Wasn’t his only daughter, who expanded the reputation of her dynasty? In your case, it’s neither you nor your son, who would ever be able to get any name for yourself or your family if you continue to be trapped in the rigid, insane convictions and follow the absurd traditions. There is yet another class of the so-called ‘modern’ or ‘forward-looking’ people, who keep their family small, but do not bother about their responsibilities towards the society; forget the society, they don’t even care for their parents. There are some, for whom fulfilling the family responsibilities only mean accumulating more and more comforts and wealth for it; they keep gifting gorgeous saris/dresses and jewelry to the wife and send their children to expensive public schools and remain over-occupied in earning more for this purpose. They also need to be taught the core concept of “family,” the philosophy of family life, and the importance of imbibing it in their thoughts and deeds.
I hope all of you, who have come here for a sadhana-course on spiritual development, have understood the real meaning and philosophy of family life and the importance of adopting its core teachings and qualities for spiritual growth.
Source:*Akhand Jyoti Magazine 2020 July- Aug*