Self-respect is the sense of self evaluation of an individual and how he rates himself or assesses his worth. This evaluation depends upon his belief in himself and his emotional state. It is a subtle element, which is the feeling of respect for the self. The development of self-respect depends a lot on the upbringing in childhood. Lack of proper emotional nurturing from parents or guardians, wrong company, deep trauma or adverse experiences in life, poor performance in school or college, bad habits, or falling prey to addiction are the causes that inhibit healthy development of self-esteem and the person begins to suffer from a deep inferiority complex and thus cannot live life to its fullest.
Consequently, the symptoms of stress, anxiety, solitude, or depression increase, and a person faces difficulty making friends or forming or maintaining healthy relationships. This severely affects his intellectual and employment-related activities, and such a person is often seen falling prey to alcohol and intoxicants. In such a situation, the person cannot freely open up about his aspirations, requirements, and sentiments. He does not consider himself worthy of even the ordinary pleasures, comforts, and rights of life and also feels difficulty making decisions.
A person suffering from negative thinking feels that wrong things happen only to him, and he is not made for good things. He keeps wandering in the past and only counts his failures and negative experiences. In such a situation, he becomes a victim of extreme anxiety. He is beset by his inability and a sense of futility that no one likes, loves, or accepts him.Undoubtedly, proper development of self-esteem is essential for leading a healthy, balanced, and successful life. If, for some reason, a person is threatened by a lack of self-esteem, he can treat it on his own and augment his self-confidence through measures mentioned below:
In order to develop self-confidence, pinpoint the perversions which reduce your self-worth. Find out their source and think profoundly about the misconceptions in mind, which impart this negative sense to the self, give rise to the feeling of guilt and disgrace oneself.Make a list of such habits and actions that are discoloring self-respect. These days, the smartphone is emerging as a villain in this context. It continues to incite such activities, which become a cause of concern and remorse later on and undermine self-respect. Beware of its illusion. Calm your inner critic. Stop the negative voice of the mind, which indulges in unnecessary criticism by expounding and soothing it.
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself. – Acharya Shriram Sharma”
Inner negative voice is primarily based on our own actions done in the past and events that have happened earlier. It takes time to heal such an inner canker that occurs under an impulse or frenzy, ignorance or circumstantial pressure; let it recover. For this, adopt a healthy and balanced lifestyle and live in an environment with righteous thoughts and sentiments. This task can be perfectly accomplished through reading noble literature, being in noble company, and performing meditation and prayers. Reach down to its root cause with deep introspection, understand it properly, and treat it sincerely.
Identify your negative beliefs and challenge them. Also, recognize the positive things about yourself and encourage them. Live in the present, be aware of your thoughts and feelings, practice meditation, and stay connected with yourself. Deeply bury the inner critic within, who holds double standards. Neither be unduly harsh towards yourself nor be extremely generous towards others. Give some space to yourself, train your inner critic. Try to understand the functioning of the mind. Understand the subconscious and unconscious nature of the mind.
Being very ruthless with mind may even lead to adverse outcomes. So, deal with it wisely, prudently, and patiently. Treat it just like a mother deals with her spoiled brat. Work on it with great forbearance while employing the dual strategy of affection along with improvement. Keep relaxing in between and do what makes you happy during intervals. Compliment yourself on small achievements and live your life with joy. Make the best possible endeavors, but do not curse yourself for your inadequacies.
Human errors are possible in the path, which will happen, but constantly cursing yourself for them would end up using up all your energies in some non-productive consequences. In such a situation, learn from the incident, accident, or flaw. Write it down in bold letters. Keep repeating it many times and pace up your constructive practice. If you make a mistake again, it should be on a different level. In doing so, as small successes will add to your self-confidence, one day, your face will shine with the smile of victory.
As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their rear leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “When they are very young and much smaller, we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were. Like the elephants, many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something. Let’s shun that belief and start moving ahead.
“Respect yourself, and others will respect you. – Confucius”
In this way, just like a sportsperson, enrich your self-esteem by refining your skills in between defeat and victory. Realize that no one is complete; everyone makes mistakes. You are not an exception. Focus on what you can change. Spend your time with people who have a good opinion of you and who make you feel better, who inspire you to do your best, and promote your self-esteem. If such a company is not available, then one can take recourse to the books of eminent personalities and enjoy the company of their discourses. For this, study the lives of those who have strived to attain the pinnacle of success in their respective fields. In this process, stay away from those who try to demean you due to their inherent envy, malice, and frustration, disseminate negativity and become the cause of downgrading your self esteem. Learn the art of dealing with such people without losing your inner balance. In fact, the attitude of neglecting evil is beneficial up to a certain level. Also, learn to stand up for your rights and learn to say ‘no’ when needed.
Establish mutually beneficial relationships on a practical basis and refrain from negativity. Also, pen down a motivational anecdote of your struggle. Move forward daily with small steps. Keep track of your progress in a chart. Identify any shortcomings in it. Move forward daily while facing new challenges. If you want, you can create such situations on your own and put yourself in them as an exercise.
Write down the saga of your struggle and share it with those in need of it. This, too, will prove to be an initiative of boosting self-confidence. Think of the struggling people like you and try to be a solution to them.
Self-control is important to achieve higher goals Napoleon Bonaparte was quartered in the house of a barber, while he was studying. Barber’s pretty wife got attracted to Bonaparte. She would try to talk to him and try to gain his attention but he would only focus on his studies. She was annoyed that her charm had no power to draw Napoleon. Few years later, when in command of the army in Italy, Napoleon passed through the village on his way. He stopped at the barber’s door and asked his former hostess if she remembered a young officer named Bonaparte, who once quartered in her family. “Indeed I do,” she replied pettishly, “a very disagreeable young man he was. He was always shut up in his room and if he did walk out, he never condescended to speak to anyone.” “Ah! My good woman!” Napoleon rejoined, “Had I passed my time as you wished me to have, I should not now be in command of the army of Italy.”
“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. – Robert Tew”
Source: Akhand Jyoti Magazine May-June 2021