It is never easy to forgive, either others or ourselves. Every time a mistake is committed, a strange sadness, pain, anger or fear gets ingrained in mind that lingers and grows within. Our mind keeps wandering back again and again to the incident that caused us botheration and difficulty, or resulted in failure, or caused us deep anguish. Our mind feels a bit relieved on recounting the incident but its pain does not subside.
Due to recurring reminiscences, we do not find it easy to forgive whoever we feel is responsible for the incident, whether that is the others or our own selves. This hurts us but we cannot take any meaningful corrective actions nor are we able to share our feelings with others. We are not able to forget others’ or our own mistakes, and even if we ignore these mistakes, we do not forgive whole-heartedly the person responsible. We may say that we have forgiven, but in the heart of heart we do not. And this causes guilt to linger on that we have not truly forgiven someone or our own selves.
Whenever our mind gets stuck upon a mistake, we keep feeling anguished by recounting the mistake and this creates distress. By not forgiving we know that we are committing a mistake and that this will become a huge load around our necks; yet, we feel helpless when there is a need to forgive. The reason for this is our ego, which forces us to become rigid and inflexible towards others or ourselves. Everyone commits a mistake sometime or the other in one’s life. Sometimes these mistakes occur unintentionally and cannot be prevented. Pardoning such mistakes alone can reduce the burden from our minds and bring some succour.
If mistakes are not forgiven, the person who has committed them gets burdened with guilt, while the person who has not forgiven also suffers distress. It is necessary to atone for errors, but it is also necessary to forgive our and others’ mistakes that have got committed unintentionally. Only then can we feel at peace and then these instances get faded out from our memories quicker. Otherwise, mistakes have a tendency to get strongly engraved in our subconscious minds and it becomes very difficult to erase these impressions.
It is true that it is not easy to return goodness in response to evil. But it is also not good to keep recounting errors or hurts, that we ourselves or others may have inflicted upon us and keep reliving the pain. Even if we may have faced injustice or partiality, only by pardoning others can we adopt the right outlook, earn strength to move on in the right direction and increase our capacity to think and act wisely.
Forgiveness has immense benefits and it is good to know these. Knowing them will make it easier to forgive others! The first and the foremost benefit is – seeking forgiveness and actually forgiving others improves our own health significantly as the mind feels light and happy. This causes quick recovery from illnesses too. Secondly, by forgiving, our way of interaction with others improves significantly. Thirdly, our mental state shows a marked improvement after we forgive others, and fourthly, our mind becomes fearless and calm, helping us to mix with others freely again. This gives us another opportunity to reform ourselves and lead a better life again.
When we forgive others, and then take a relook and analyze old mistakes, we often learn many new dimensions. We begin to know people better than earlier, understand why the mistakes got committed, what the possibilities of their recurrence are, and what the advantages of overlooking them or not repeating them are. Our expectations of others become more realistic too.
If we keep high expectations of others or of our own selves and when we find that our expectations have fallen short, we begin to regard ourselves or others guilty and find it difficult to pardon the failures. But we must understand that we all have limited capabilities and strengths. We cannot work beyond these. If someone expects more, we can try but there can be no assurance that we will definitely succeed.
We must always bear in mind and put in efforts to recognize our and others’ limited capabilities before harboring great expectations. It is natural that mistakes may happen when tasks taken up are beyond capabilities. This should not result in guilt; instead, we must try to enhance our strengths. By pardoning ourselves and others, all the bitterness gets washed away, cleansing the mind once again. When one’s mind has bitterness, he cannot behave positively with others as he remains disturbed internally. It is very necessary to wash away bitterness and cleanse the mind, which is possible only by forgiving others or ourselves.
Life becomes calmer and happier by forgiving others. All the feelings of anger and animosity get washed away. It is important to introspect bitter instances of life, identify people due to whom we have suffered or felt aggrieved or got hurt and pained. After remembering the circumstances and the people involved, we must pardon them whole-heartedly. On the other hand, if we have hurt others, we must not hesitate to go and seek forgiveness of them. This process is the only way by which we can free ourselves from the bindings of errors.
Yugrishi Param Pujya Gurudev used to call this as ‘Nishkasan Tap’ and considered it as mandatory before starting any sadhana. He said that harbouring mistakes, shortcomings and sins in our mind burdens it and gives rise to a number of mental ailments. Accepting mistakes and forgiving others for having committed them is a method of atonement whose aim is to rid the subconscious mind of all the dirt and blemishes and to refine the personality.
Akhand Jyoti Magazine 2016 May-Jun