We must understand that yoga means to merge our smallness and narrow-mindedness into attributes like greatness, large-heartedness and universal brotherhood. Yoga means to transmute selfishness into selflessness. Among the infinite yogic practices adopted for this purpose Grahastha Yoga is also one. This sadhana is comparatively more natural and convenient. So, some thinkers have called it Sahaja Yoga (or convenient yoga). Saint Kabir has extolled the virtues of this sadhana in several of his compositions.
Any object however ordinary it may be, when used properly and judiciously, can yield wonderful results. On the other hand a precious object when used improperly can cause a lot of harm. A very nutritious product like milk, when consumed inappropriately can cause extreme sickness and even death. On the other hand when a harmful substance like snake’s poison is methodically refined it can turn into a very valuable life-saving drug. The same principle applies to grahastha ashrama also. When actions are performed with the right attitude, the highest goal of self-realization can be attained within grahastha ashrama itself, as was proven by the great rishis and spiritual masters of yore.
These days most of the family men are found engulfed in unhappiness, sorrows, worries, tensions and ill-health. One must not assume that this is because they are raising families or that grahastha ashrama is responsible for this. These are because of their distorted way of thinking, impure thoughts and unrefined intrinsic tendencies. If mentality or thought process is polluted then such sorrows and problems would arise in every ashrama, in every society, and in every nation. It is wrong to blame grahastha ashrama for these. If this ashrama was actually so awful and deplorable, then all the great men and creators of new eras would have distanced themselves from the same. On the contrary in fact, we can see that almost all the greatness in this world has revolved around the centre of grahastha ashrama.
The best place to expand one’s concept of self is one’s own home. A street-artist learns his first lessons in acrobatics at his home. A small child learns to stand and tread his first steps at his home. Similarly yogic sadhanas must also be initiated at one’s home. The confines of home are the best to bring in practice and expand the sentiments of love, sacrifice, devotion and service. Wherever the luminescence of these feelings fall that area of interaction begins to glow. Till the concept of self remains confined to just oneself, feelings like ill-will, anger, hatred and indifference persist towards others. When concepts of love and self-expand to include others then even ordinary objects begin to appear beautiful. A mother considers her child to be a part of her own self. Even if she gets nothing in return she loves her child dearly. To a devoted wife even a dark-skinned, ugly, ill-mannered husband appears handsome like Lord Indra and virtuous like Lord Brahaspati.
The root cause of all the conflicts in this world is that we give less but ask for a lot. We must learn to give a lot and ask for nothing or very little in return. Once we adopt this principle all the conflicts around us would ebb quickly. The one who undertakes the great sadhana of expansion of self has to change his attitude towards others. He has to learn to give, to sacrifice and to serve others. If we fill our inner heart with feelings of love and benevolence towards our near and dear ones, and adopt sacrifice and service in our behaviour, in a few moments we would see a magic unfold. A small family of ours which for a long time had been a house of conflict and unhappiness would turn into a heaven, with peace and happiness all around. Feelings of true love that originate from our heart get reflected back from our family members. And when they return they drench our parched, desiccated inner being with a pleasant, fragrant shower of happiness and turn it green again.
When a gardener takes the responsibility of a garden, he puts in his best efforts to maintain it and keep it green. A good householder must also learn to adopt a similar attitude. He must realize that Almighty has specially entrusted him with the responsibility of watering, providing fertilizers, maintaining and protecting these few plants in his garden. Though we have several duties towards our society and our nation, but the small garden of ours is an absolute and foremost responsibility. We must understand that it is our duty to keep every member of our family healthy, to provide them with proper education and good culture, and to make them wise and self-sufficient. We must consider this as God’s directive and do our best to fulfil this responsibility. Serving family members is in no way inferior to acts like benevolent service to society or worship of God even.
The seeds of selfishness or selflessness lie in our attitudes and thoughts. If we regard our wife as a servant, a possession, or an object for fulfilling our desires, and unthinkingly take her service and rule over her, then these feelings themselves would create conflicts, pain, and sufferings and make the life hellish. On the other hand if she is regarded as a green, dense, shady tree of a beautiful garden on the sunny path of life, if the feelings towards her are of pure love, of service and sacrifice, and if her wishes are given priority over our own desires, then these feelings alone would turn married life into an abode of happiness, joy, love and heavenly beauty.
The principle ‘give less and take more’ is the root cause of conflict, sin, bitterness and creation of hell. The principle ‘give more and ask for less’ leads to love, cooperation, virtuousness and creation of heaven. If wife, son, father, brothers, uncles and aunts are looked at with a selfish eye to take their services, then all of them would seem selfish, indifferent, disobedient and full of bad qualities. It would seem that the entire household is an abode of sorrows, selfishness and sins. Several people blame their families this way, get discontented and then run away from their homes. In reality it is not the fault of the family but their attitude towards it. To the one who wears yellow glasses the whole world appears yellow.
Every human being is incomplete. He/she is journeying from incompleteness towards completeness. So it is incorrect to expect that all members of the family would be deities from heaven and be totally obedient. A soul brings along with it samskaras (intrinsic tendencies) accumulated since many, many previous births. These have to be refined very, very gradually with a lot of effort. They cannot be changed in a day. So it is inappropriate to expect our family members to obey us all the time. We must practice to get satisfied when we help them correct their mistakes, help them grow and make them happy. To expect to be happy only when all our wishes are met is to make an impossible demand on the world. It is a serious error to focus our happiness around the concept that family members and others would always follow what we say and would serve us. Those who make this error, to them all the joy and happiness of family life would probably be always denied.
Remember that raising a family is a kind of yoga sadhana. The prime qualities in personality that develop here are that of selflessness, service, love, cooperation, sacrifice, benevolence, and control over our expectations from others. Those who have adopted these qualities can be considered to be living in an elevated state of bliss. They are ascetics living in household.
Source: Married Life: A Perfect Yoga
