It is essential to possess savoir faire (the ability to behave in a correct and confident way in different situations) to lead a happy life. We meet different types of people every day. All of them have different personalities. It is a challenging task to cope up with such a variety of people without getting affected. Some people leave a positive impression but some cast a negative impact on our lives. This affects our happiness and progress in a positive or negative way. Sometimes we encounter complex people who are difficult to understand. Initially they will appear good and will try to develop relations for their selfish motives, but by the time we realize their reality it becomes too late.
How do we get along in such situations? Experts in social behaviour believe that one’s own personality traits are more important in such matters. They suggest that people possessing following traits are less prone to get affected negatively and hence they are more likely to lead a happy life.
The first among these is ‘knowledge’ Knowledge doesn’t mean knowing the facts and figures. In means the comprehensiveness of experiences gained from real life. It is the ability to properly judge a person or situation. This trait helps in understanding the person with whom one is interacting or a critical situation one is facing and then taking a proper action to deal with it.
The second trait relates to ‘selfless love’. It means to love regardless of your personal needs. Loving wholeheartedly, without any personal gain, helps in knitting the fabric of good relationships.
The third element is ‘hard work’. It makes one self-reliant and confident. A hard working person never has to rely on others.
The next most important factor for leading a happy life is to maintain sound health. One, who knows how to live a healthy life, actually knows how to be happy. A healthy man faces the ups and downs of life firmly and gets out of it in a short span of time.
One should also develop a spirit of helping others. Everyone enjoys seeking cooperation but the real virtue lies in helping others without expecting any returns. This way one can make true friends. Such people also become popular amongst the strangers in no time.
A very important and rewarding personality trait is positivity. People who practice gratitude are happier, less stressed and less depressed. As Oprah Winfrey rightly says, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough”.
Empathy is another virtue that must be imbibed by a spiritually-oriented person. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”, Says Leo Buscaglia.
There are number of other good traits, for example, integrity, honesty, loyalty, responsibility, humility, fairness, perseverance, etc. that impact one’s happiness.
Men/women who possess majority of these traits can easily deal with all kinds of people. However, one may encounter some people who are negative or are too complex to handle. In an encounter with such people, it is wise to remain cool and review our actions based on three criteria: (1) Can I change the situation? (2) Should I let it go as such? (3) Should I maintain distance with this person?
First of all try the first approach. Believe that aggressive and antagonistic people can also be changed. It depends on one’s influence on the person. Does the person respect and trust him/ her? Is there a possibility of changing the situation? If the answers to these questions are positive, one should proceed confidently without any fear. But be aware that such people do not change themselves to please others. So while attempting to change such persons, one should be patient.
Where it seems difficult to change the other person let things go on as they are. Don’t backbite such people. It is also useless if you lose patience. Also don’t ever think of being revengeful. With a cool mind, be conscious of your self-respect and deal with the situation gracefully. Do remain unaffected by their emotional drama too. It should be understood that their absurd behaviour is the result of dissatisfaction and feeling of being unsafe in life. Don’t stress yourself for them. It will only leave you with sleepless nights. Try to appreciate their plus points. This way, it may be possible to bring in them a positive change in future.
When the second approach also fails, then turn to the third option, that is–keep distance or neglect them. If you become negative in the company of intolerant/intoxicating people or feel sickness, or observe change in your behaviour, simply neglect them and maintain distance. Don’t accommodate others to the extent that they damage your personality. Speak out frankly and stick to it to get the desired result. With the passage of time, things will become normal.
Dr. Kelly Neff, a renowned psychologist, author and founder of ‘The Lucid Planet’ suggests some more tips (other than those cited above) to live a happy life:
(1) Find a place of Flow: In Positive Psychology, the concept of “Flow” is defined as the “complete immersion in activity for its own sake.” When we are in flow, such as when we are running a race, writing a song, or reading a great book, our self-awareness dissipates, time seems to stop, and we become focused, peaceful, and attentive to the task at hand. People who frequently experience flow tend to be happy, productive, creative and focused.
(2) Surround yourself with Supportive People: Even though this life can sometimes feel like an individual journey, we need other people around us in order to feel happy. In fact, recent research has indicated that social relationships are the strongest predictors of happiness, much stronger than income or wealth. So be social, surround yourself with people who make you feel good, and release those who make you feel bad.
(3) Learn when to say “No”: As psychologist Dr. Thema Davis so beautifully puts it, “saying yes to happiness means learning to say no to things and people that stress you out.” Saying yes to everyone and everything can lead you to feel overwhelmed, increase your stress, and leave you less time and resources to take care of yourself!
(4) Unplug and spend more time in Nature: If you really want to maximize the benefits of outdoor time, spend time in green nature – even five minutes of “green exercise” can lead to improvements in mood and self-esteem, according to researchers at the University of Essex. Even better, combine your outside time with meditation, yoga, or other therapeutic movement arts.
(5) Practice Forgiveness: This one can be challenging for many of us who have been wronged and/or who have experienced traumas perpetrated by other people in our lives. But, Dr. Fred Luskin of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project has found that forgiveness is a huge predictor of happiness and wellbeing.
So, try to imbibe as many of the above advices as you can and attract the trust and respect of other people, influence others, improve your self-esteem, self-respect and confidence, create a foundation for happy, healthy relationships, stay committed to your values and goals and improve your chances of success in work and other endeavors.
Akhand Jyoti Magazine 2016 Jul-Aug